my life into words.

But that's all pain I can mainly block out on a daily basis. My denigrated relationship with my mother is nothing new. I'll always have a hole in my heart. But I guess that's God's job to fill. Lately I have been getting in way too many arguments with John. The move, both of us going back to school, and now job hunting, tight finances, weight gain, health problems, my intentions to keep a clean apartment, and a stressful pregnancy...are all just making this for a super fun way to start 2010. I am so stressed out, I don't even remember most of my life before I started paying bills and worrying about marriage and children. What on earth could have upset me from day to day? The old me who got upset over not finding the perfect pair of pants or having an unclear face (or whatever plucked my nerves as a teenager) is long gone. She's dead. I'm now on Craigslist looking for good deals on footie pajamas and wondering how in the world I'm going to afford textbooks for college. I can't wait to just get past this whole school thing. Much suffering now, hopefully to pay off in the end.

And all of this is nothing compared to what some people are facing right now. Dear God, just make me grow up.