facebook is starting to annoy me. mainly because I'm starting to annoy myself. I wonder what would happen if someone actually shut down my facebook account? would I have breathing problems? i don't like to be dependent that much on anything. i'm curious as to why it's relevant for me to post irrelevant details about my life. irrelevant to most of the facebook population, that is. I think I need to step back from updating so much. And the site certainly doesn't need checked any more than a few times a day. even that is putting it on par with eating and other daily activities, and it probably shouldn't be. some things i refuse to get over though. such as finding out important updates and photos. i love the photos part. so i definitely won't be ditching facebook altogether. i think i just need to step back a little bit because i'm taking it to an extreme. luckily for me in a few weeks once this semester starts to pick up (it's a killer) and i have this baby, i will no longer have the time to waste.
i also remind myself that i can have a very obsessive personality. i went through phases with other social networking sites too. i remember i thought it was the end of the world when my dad wouldn't purchase aol for the computer. i was signing on and off aim religiously - addicted to "user info." then it was xanga. then it was myspace. now it's facebook. this too shall pass.

But that's all pain I can mainly block out on a daily basis. My denigrated relationship with my mother is nothing new. I'll always have a hole in my heart. But I guess that's God's job to fill. Lately I have been getting in way too many arguments with John. The move, both of us going back to school, and now job hunting, tight finances, weight gain, health problems, my intentions to keep a clean apartment, and a stressful pregnancy...are all just making this for a super fun way to start 2010. I am so stressed out, I don't even remember most of my life before I started paying bills and worrying about marriage and children. What on earth could have upset me from day to day? The old me who got upset over not finding the perfect pair of pants or having an unclear face (or whatever plucked my nerves as a teenager) is long gone. She's dead. I'm now on Craigslist looking for good deals on footie pajamas and wondering how in the world I'm going to afford textbooks for college. I can't wait to just get past this whole school thing. Much suffering now, hopefully to pay off in the end.

And all of this is nothing compared to what some people are facing right now. Dear God, just make me grow up.