Tuesday, January 18, 2011

New Year

In regards to school, I'm backing out for a semester. Maybe more. I don't know. I guess maybe I'm tired of having an invisible competition with an elusive standard hanging over my head. It's pretty amazing that I'm coming to terms with this,though. I'm re-thinking the whole "get your degree now now now" thing. I got married. I had children. Maybe that gives me the luxury to spend all my time taking care of them and giving in to all of my cleaning compulsions, instead of being stressed out about things that are happening outside of the house. It seems sort of fair. I mean, they didn't ask to come into the world. I clearly did ask. So maybe I should sort of just do the mother thing for now and skip everything else if I feel like it's going to kill me while I'm still alive. Plus, I am now in the church choir, singing back up some Sundays, joining my dad's choir (Hagerstown Chorale), and thinking about finding a mommy group to join. I'm preoccupied. However, my sciences go bad in 2014...and I am just not repeating those. So I do need to get on the horse eventually.

I don't know what I want to write, I just know that I wanted to write. So many things happen, and I think, that is so cute, so great, I should journal it. I have good intentions. It just never happens. And no, this Internet blog kind of doesn't count. Only the real journal waiting for me in my kitchen counts, if that's even where I still left it. Only ink on paper counts for "real" real. This is neat, too, though. I suppose I wouldn't even have a blog if I assumed it counted for nothing. Plus, for some reason, I like people to be aware of some of my thoughts. Even though most couldn't care less about them. But I guess that's the point of a blog, putting them Out There. In the Universe. Then they can trip and fall and land wherever they're supposed to.

I'm going to try and diet this year. I know, I know, I probably say or think that at the beginning of every year. I also hope to blog here more, eat healthier, tithe, not go off the deep end again, treat my kids like precious gems, get more out of debt, address my sugar and diet coke addiction, be less socially awkward, pray and hear from God more, avoid the hospital, get along with my husband, use less fragmented sentences when I write here, get used to the chaos that is being a mother to kids, and uuuuh, I don't know. Love people more. Worry less. Blah Blah Blah. I probably match every next blogger with these goals.

I'm sitting here blogging with a FurReal cat on my lap, wrapped in a blanket. She'd almost be real if her batteries weren't dead. In all of my Internet indulged days, I never imagined I'd one day be typing like this. Boy, kids. They bring you to a reality that is out of this world. And some people (who probably don't have kids) probably think they're not such a big deal. Especially because so many people have kids. It's not unique to have children, no. Yet the experience is so impossibly unique for all of us...no one really understands all of the ranting about children until they take the dive for themselves.

Good day.