Monday, May 25, 2009

the dreaded dress.

My very good friend Staci came and visited me the other day as she was dropping River off. (She actually had River twice last week, that's right, someone actually braved her twice. And Staci even managed to paint her toenails. If you know anything about my daughter, you know you'll need tricks up your sleeve to manage anything like that.) With her she brought information about a doctor who specializes in pain, particularly TMJ and headaches, along with a myriad of other symptoms. He believes there are no symptoms without causes. My husband and I both think that we should save up money so I can see this doctor. Even if it's not the last stop for me, in lieu of physical maladies, giving up is not the right answer either. I will die trying.
In other news, the much anticipated (and dreaded) brother's wedding is coming up. On one hand I am excited. I love weddings, I love receptions, I love the feeling of romance in the air, all the people gathered. I love the cake! On the OTHER hand (the hand that's too fat for me to wear my wedding ring) I dread the thought of walking down the aisle wearing a renaissance dress in front of everyone with all this extra weight on me. I am shamed as a woman for not being able to take off the baby weight. Those celebrities do it so quickly. If anything the hormones have kicked my butt and I've gained weight after the baby. I'm not who I used to be, I can't just skip a meal and tra la la, back to the skinny jeans. Ugh, I wish I could be a teenager again. Although I was never really a skinny person (ever) I was almost down to my goal weight in 2005, when I was 18.
Back to the point of my story. Me, renaissance dress. Dainty shawl which will expose every nook and cranny of my arms and back. I should at least be thankful that the dress is long. And very pretty. And that my brother is marrying the woman he loves. You know what, I am ridiculous. There is a lot going on in the world right now, and I'm stressing over a bridesmaid dress. I need to get over it! Or in it. lol. No but seriously, I'll survive. It's May 30th. Pictures, pictures to come.


  1. girl, forget the stupid celebrities. they hire people to live their lives for them while they spend all their time on the most fleeting of things. you're living your life with your husband and girl, going to school ... doing what you love! your body is one that is living life, not one that is draining it! you'll be beautiful standing up there, supporting your brother and his wife. :)

  2. your comment makes me feel good! thank lani <3 i love you already.


  3. You are beautiful and no amount of weight loss or gain will alter that!

  4. Hey, I was amazed by Dr. Heath and I've only seen him once. I go again on Wednesday. We need to plan a play date so I can fill you in on everything! I really think he can help you.... well not with your "mental" problems. We've known for a LONG time that God is working on you with that and ONLY God! haha (just kiddin!) Love you!