me - why do you need me?

him - because i can't do it without you.

me - what, the whole mommy/daddy thing?

him - no, the whole life thing.

facebook is starting to annoy me. mainly because I'm starting to annoy myself. I wonder what would happen if someone actually shut down my facebook account? would I have breathing problems? i don't like to be dependent that much on anything. i'm curious as to why it's relevant for me to post irrelevant details about my life. irrelevant to most of the facebook population, that is. I think I need to step back from updating so much. And the site certainly doesn't need checked any more than a few times a day. even that is putting it on par with eating and other daily activities, and it probably shouldn't be. some things i refuse to get over though. such as finding out important updates and photos. i love the photos part. so i definitely won't be ditching facebook altogether. i think i just need to step back a little bit because i'm taking it to an extreme. luckily for me in a few weeks once this semester starts to pick up (it's a killer) and i have this baby, i will no longer have the time to waste.
i also remind myself that i can have a very obsessive personality. i went through phases with other social networking sites too. i remember i thought it was the end of the world when my dad wouldn't purchase aol for the computer. i was signing on and off aim religiously - addicted to "user info." then it was xanga. then it was myspace. now it's facebook. this too shall pass.

But that's all pain I can mainly block out on a daily basis. My denigrated relationship with my mother is nothing new. I'll always have a hole in my heart. But I guess that's God's job to fill. Lately I have been getting in way too many arguments with John. The move, both of us going back to school, and now job hunting, tight finances, weight gain, health problems, my intentions to keep a clean apartment, and a stressful pregnancy...are all just making this for a super fun way to start 2010. I am so stressed out, I don't even remember most of my life before I started paying bills and worrying about marriage and children. What on earth could have upset me from day to day? The old me who got upset over not finding the perfect pair of pants or having an unclear face (or whatever plucked my nerves as a teenager) is long gone. She's dead. I'm now on Craigslist looking for good deals on footie pajamas and wondering how in the world I'm going to afford textbooks for college. I can't wait to just get past this whole school thing. Much suffering now, hopefully to pay off in the end.

And all of this is nothing compared to what some people are facing right now. Dear God, just make me grow up.

Holy cow batman. I'm just about 20 weeks pregnant, and I'm up 13 lbs. This is not good. When you're overweight to start with (and I was) then you can stand to gain only 10 to 20 lbs. Not gaining any weight at all would also suffice, actually. I have been trying for the most part to eat moderate to small amounts. Sure, some days I cave to cravings. Cave and crave just happen to rhyme. Irony? I think not. Try being pregnant and NOT caving. For some reason, food becomes this big deal when preggy. And not just any food, a certain kind of food. I seriously cried over KFC the other week. But as soon as the craving passed, I passed up fried chicken on a buffet I was later at. Then it was warheads. Now they're in the cupboard. It's like, this thing just comes over you and forces you to "gotta have it RIGHT NOW." I can't even explain it.
Anyway, back to the point. Most of the time I'm aware that I'm carrying an extra tractor trailer around, and I need to be conscious of every decision I make. It's kind of hard when you're nauseous half the day, and the other half spontaneously experiencing this insatiable hunger. FOOD NOW.
So WHERE is this 13 lbs at? If I was not pregnant, I would not have gained 13 lbs. I just need to tell myself that. I was not eating enough to warrant a 13 lb gain. So dear God, please let it all be in my uterus! Or please just let it be a 13 lb baby, and have them cut it out of me!
In other news, I think I managed to make A's in both of my classes this semester. Which is pretty unbelievable because I hardly read the textbooks. I barely studied. I did what I had to do, and I was done with it. The bare minimum effort, if you will. Half butting it. Facebook, household chores, and River got way more of my time. Next semester I won't be able to float along so easily. I'll be almost full time. So this may be a practice trial for the real sha-bang. I just hope I survive. Dear God, please let me SURVIVE. There are so many other things I'd rather be up to than studying Western Civilization (I know, that sounds terrible). My Social Work classes have the potential to be very interesting, but I'm just weary. Too weary to throw myself at them 100 per cent. I guess I've chosen to do so many things at once that I can't be 100 per cent to anything. I guess it's just a time of sacrifice.

<3Love you all

Basically, I'm overwhelmed. I think I've seriously bitten off more than I could chew this time. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Next semester is doable, I just need to pace myself. This will be the first and last time I ever consider doing double classes in one subject in one semester. The first half of the semester I'll have an accelerated history, and my second half I'll have yet another accelerated history. That doesn't include the two other social work classes taken at the same time. Might I have to set the alarm in the middle of the night, just so I can sleep but also get up and read this crap? One does not yet know. Wow, I'm tired. Exhaustion just hit me, you know that feeling you get in your eyes. Woo. I'll be almost a full time student, a full time wife, a full time mother, and a full time maid. There's no point in complaining, this is the life I chose. And I love the ones I'm with.

<3

If George W Bush were an idiot

If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how he inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes?


If George W.. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved?


If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan's holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved?


If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved?


If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved?


If George W.. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky?


If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia , would you have approved?


If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made
reference to the nonexistent "Austrian language,
" would you have brushed it off as a minor slip?

If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved?


If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to "Cinco de Cuatro" in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment?


If George W. Bush had mis-spelled the word "advice" would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoe as proof of what a dunce he is?


If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he's a hypocrite?


If George W. Bush's administration had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what happened on 9-11?


If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence?



If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved?


If George W Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved?


If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved?


So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive?

Can't think of anything? Don't worry.

He's done all this in 8 months -- so you'll have three years and four months to come up with an answer.

**I didn't make this up.

I really really want to see Chris Rock's new documentary, Good Hair. It looks so funny and informative. I have no clue why I would be attracted to this, it has nothing to do with me in reality. But I'm simply fascinated. So I guess in the coming weeks I'll be looking for a way to see it!